Can We Just Try This Day…Ok, WEEK, AGAIN?

Pippa plotting my death...

Pippa plotting my death…

So this past Friday Saturday, I stagger out of bed, exhausted (we’d been passing around a toddler stomach bug for the previous week) and I drink three cups of coffee just to be able to SEE straight.

Being the AWESOME, sweet, loving, and humble wife I am, I let my husband sleep in and kept The Spawn quiet while I posted my Friday Apparently SATURDAY guest blog on my author blog. I then made The Spawn’s lunch and took him to school.

I get to the school, but the parking lot’s empty. WTH? No one was there but the landscaper who probably wanted to know why this weird woman was yelling at the locked door. I totally thought the school had just invented some new holiday to keep my kid home and under my feet.

Was it Spring Goddess Day? Freyja Day? Gerald Ford Day? The Teachers are Burned Out and Suicidal So They Need a Freaking Day OFF Before They Duct Tape Your Kid to a Wall Day?

Irritated, I drove home. Hubby staggers out of bed and asked where I went. I fume, indignant that my husband didn’t tell me there was a school holiday and that I took The Spawn to school and they really send home too much paperwork because I didn’t SEE there was a holiday and why the heck do they need so many holidays?

Then Hubby tells me it is Saturday.

NO! I say. It is TOTALLY FRIDAY. I’ll prove it. So I rush to my laptop to pull up my iCal because I trust Apple WAY more than my husband…and I blink. My mind can’t process this.


(I blog 5 days a week there.)

Did my husband hug me? Console me? Tell me that I was wonderful, generous and kind for letting him sleep?



Howling with laughter, he points and says, “You even made his lunch and EVERYTHING!!!!!”

The sudden urge to stab Hubby with a lemon zester was a big clue I needed more sleep. I did some writing then took a super-long nap that resembled a coma more than a nap. Sunday? Rest. Played video games. Ate dinner at my mom’s, so didn’t even cook.

I was SET for the new week.

Monday morning, I take Pippa to be spayed and get her shots. I pick her up. I have a very efficient day. Yesterday? Busy multi-tasking cleaning the kitchen while packing The Spawn’s lunch and telling him 1000 times I will NOT play the NASCAR race AGAIN.

****My son needs a 12 step program for car racing. He DOES NOT get that from my side.

In the midst of all this? I make sure to put Pippa’s pain medication away before it gets lost.

Two hours later? Guess what I can’t find? I tear the house apart. Certain I must have thrown it away, I go through the seriously disgusting trash (had cleaned out the fridge *shivers*). Finally, I call the vet and beg them to believe that I am not mainlining my dog’s medication and please, please, please can we buy more?

Hubby, being awesome, goes and gets her medicine. He comes home with The Spawn…and guess what he finds sitting at my computer?

*head desk*

I feel like I just want to hit CNTRL + ALT +DELETE and reboot. So, of course, my husband spends all yesterday mocking my pain…AGAIN.

This morning? Guess what we wake up to? NO INTERNET. Hubby forgot to pay the AT&T bill, even though his humble, sweet, cute, adorable, helpful, and humble wife brought him the bill with the debit card A WEEK AGO and sweetly reminded him.

So this morning, we’ve been discussing The Parable of the King Who Forgot to Pay the Internet Bill and All the Kingdom was Super Sad. There was great gnashing of teeth and the townspeople, justifiably distraught because there was no Facebook access and their blogs would be posted LATE, wanted to stone the King for being so absent-minded…

…until his kind, loving, and humble wife begged they give him mercy and placated them with chocolate.

Cuz she’s awesome…and humble :D.

And the moral of the story was the king needed to listen to his wife…and tell her she was pretty…and NOT make fun of her for taking their toddler to Kingdom Nursery School on Saturday and then later losing the Royal Dog’s medicine…and then tell her she’s pretty.

Anyway, yeah….

All I have to say is that Pippa isn’t the only one in need of a Cone of Shame this past week. Also, my husband is now making me discuss the Parable of the Wife Murdered and Buried in the Back Yard Because She Wouldn’t Stop Telling the Parable of the King Who Forgot to Pay the Internet Bill.


Kristen Lamb is the author of the #1 best-selling books We Are Not Alone–The Writer’s Guide to Social Media and Are You There, Blog? It’s Me, Writer. Feel free to follow her weekday blog or find her on Facebook and Twitter. Kristen is the C.E.O. of WANA International and the founder of the social site for creatives, WANATribe.

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